The most common thing I see as a therapist is my clients having a deep seated belief that they aren’t good enough and this usually stems from being deprived of the love they needed as a child.
This leads to behaving from within a painful framework of loss, one which unconsciously shapes your personality and identity.
The way you survive your early years from a place of feeling unworthy of love, of not being good enough, becomes your path of awakening later in life when you realise you can no longer exist from within that place of grief and loss.
An extension from not feeling good enough or worthy of love, is feeling disconnected from others, from feeling undeserving of even being here, to feeling like ‘I don’t matter.’
You cannot heal this emotional trauma from affirmations alone.
Affirmations work, but only after you have discovered where the dysfunctional belief came from in the first place. Otherwise you are just repeating something that is a lie to your nervous system and your nervous system knows when it’s being told a lie!
Affirmations without healing create more inner conflict.
To heal is to go back to the point of truth. To return to that place in time that made you feel that you weren’t loved how you needed to be loved. To heal is to return to the emotional wound. To the trauma that was born from a lack of love.
What you learn when you are there is that trauma is in your blood lines. It runs deep through generations before us, through our ancestors. It runs through wars, famines and the Great Depression.
Trauma is in your blood, it is in your bones.
Regardless of how resilient and strong you are, a lack of love and a lack of feeling connected can destroy the human spirit.
It is your basic human need to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be understood.
If you grew up in a home where you were made to feel unwanted, uncelebrated, unheard and unseen, you have not known love.
If you were not allowed to play, to sing, to dance, to laugh, to be loud, then you have not known love.
If you have not known love then your psyche will develop a personality that creates meaning by getting those needs met in order to experience love.
If this is incongruent to your authentic self you attract unhealthy relationships and it becomes a dark place to climb out of.
This wound becomes relational.
The path back to being whole is a path of self-love, but you cannot simply love yourself if you have never felt it before.
You must grieve for yourself.
You must parent yourself.
You must develop compassion and care for yourself.
You must land in your body gently.
You must nurture yourself.
You must recognise the sacredness of your heart space and explore it with grace and respect.
You must recognise your pain is worthy of love.
You must recognise YOU are worthy of love.
You must honour yourself and only then can you learn to love yourself.